Questions for a Language Ninja: Putting the Fun Back in Etymological Fundamentals

Hello, and welcome to the latest edition of “Questions for a Language Ninja,” the only Q & A language usage column where nearly every response to burning linguistic queries is: “It’s all good, man,” at least when those queries arrive in the middle of an otherwise lazy summer. Let’s get started.

 Q: I often hear people referred to as “Grammar Nazis,” regardless of what kinds of issues they take with written language. What is grammar’s specific domain?

A: The mere thought of attempting to answer that question is giving the Language Ninja a headache. She could point you to the various accepted definitions – OED, Webster’s, and such – but that would get us nowhere. This is the exact sort of argument that leads to pages and pages of internet forum vitriol, and the Ninja wants no part of it. And yet, here she is. [Sigh]

Grammar is the study of language structure. This can include phrasing, etymology, usage, and philosophical concepts like rhetoric and semantics. Punctuation might make an appearance when discussing written language. Dialect can be a factor. Occasionally spelling. While there aren’t hard and fast “grammatical” rules regarding spelling and punctuation, spelling and punctuation do affect usage in written form. It is the written form that causes online grammar snobs the most grief.

We are beginning to accept “grammar” as an umbrella term for almost anything communication-related, except possibly grunts and pointing. Frankly, this evolution is entirely appropriate, since grammar itself is highly malleable, and governed entirely by mass agreement (in spite of what prescriptivists would force us to believe). Thanks to the Internet, mass agreement comes stunningly quickly. We used to have to wait years, and even decades for phrasing adjustments to become acceptable. Now, we’re pretty much giving the finger to the split infinitive “rule,” and forcing Oxford English scholars to contend with the realities of “twerking.”

In order to make the distinction between grammar and everything else easy (for the time being), the Ninja will advise everyone to consider whether or not the questionable phrase would still be questionable if spoken. Unaccepted verb conjugation, who or whom, less or fewer: grammar. Your or you’re; there, they’re, or their; accidental homophones: usage (and possibly mere typos).

Now that’s been cleared up, we can all channel our energies towards a truly worthy cause: Despising anyone who uses the term “amazeballs.”

Q: Now that you’ve brought it up, how could a once-great nation have allowed “amazeballs” to happen?

A: The Ninja wishes she knew, but she suspects that democracy might have had a hand in it. Sadly, it is the steep price a freedom-loving society must occasionally pay. And on that note, the Ninja must return to her fancy umbrella drink.


Holly Troupe is a professional web content writer and an amateur everything else. She spends her days writing, eating, and looking for ways to incorporate the term “perfidy” into the urban vernacular.