Happy springtime, everyone! The Ninja’s back, and answering more burning language usage questions. Let’s get crackin’!

Q: What is the difference between “further” and “farther?” Is there any real difference?

A: To answer both your questions succinctly: The existence of physical distance, and sort of.

Both further and farther are commonly used interchangeably. You can pretty much substitute further for farther in any instance and still be correct, but the reverse isn’t necessarily true. (At least it isn’t for grammar pedants.) This is because, while both terms are adverbs and adjectives used to describe an increase in distance, further can be used in a more figurative sense. Farther, on the other hand, is only supposed to be used to describe a progression of actual inches, feet, miles, etc.

Example: “The farther I ran from the axe-wielding psychopath, the happier I was that I had thought to wear my New Balance Borocays that morning.”

In the above case, the term farther is used to indicate that the speaker had actually traveled a physical distance through space. Now, let’s look at a metaphorical use of further.

Example: “Dr. Morgenstern had been happy with the progress her patient had made during their psychotherapy sessions. However, one look at the pile of severed heads and limbs he was storing in his garage told her that the treatment should have gone a bit further.”

In this example, further is used to describe either the intensity or the amount of time used to treat a lunatic with homicidal ideations; there was no physical travel involved. Unless, of course, the psychopath caught Dr. Morgenstern looking at his collection of appendages.

If following the letter of grammar law is important to you, then just remember that far- in farther also means distance traveled, and you’ll know that it’s the correct word for an indication of physical distance. Of course, far is also used metaphorically (to be far along in one’s pregnancy; to go far in terms of success; to go far into the future). Don’t let your head explode all over the Ninja’s nunchucks, please.

Q: I often hear people use the phrase: “very unique.” Something either is or isn’t unique, right? What the hell?

A: Ah, that question reminds the Ninja of her dear, sainted mother. Whenever anyone said that something – or someone – was very unique in her presence, she would shoot him or her with a blow dart and scream, “No it isn’t, you idiot! Unique is an ABSOLUTE! Can you be sort of pregnant??!” Ha, ha! Oh, Mom.

As it turns out, the Ninja’s mother wasn’t entirely correct on this one (though the Ninja is only comfortable saying this because her mother is either engaged in a lengthy covert operation far away, or dead).

Yes, it is true that something is either unique or not, yet uniqueness is a complex business. Every human being is unique, if only by virtue of his or her DNA, but even identical twins who share a DNA profile are unique in that they are identical twins who share a DNA profile. Also, uniqueness can come in degrees. The Ninja will paraphrase comedian David Mitchell’s assessment of uniqueness: If every snowflake is unique, how would you classify the snowflake that’s red?

So, it is possible for a unique thing to be more or less unique than another thing. This being the case, it’s advisable for those who are tempted to preface unique with “very,” to actually have a reason to do so. When we hear “very unique,” it is usually because the user wants to punch up the importance of the unique quality in a vague way. If you use “very unique,” be specific as to why it’s more unique than unique. “Identical twins are unique; conjoined twins are very unique.”

All right, now you’ve got the Ninja saying “unique” over and over until the word sounds like utter nonsense. Try it! Unique unique unique…

Whew, fun! Ninj out.

Holly Troupe is a professional web content writer and an amateur everything else. She spends her days writing, eating, and looking for ways to incorporate the term “perfidy” into the urban vernacular.